033 : Lost
by Ava Addemdum
Summary: Sasuke pondered on the two great losses in his life, and realised that perhaps Itachi wasn't the one who caused it all. [slight yaoi: narusasu]


D i s c l a i n e r : What? I don't own Naruto? What do you know…you learn something everyday.

W a r n i n g : Shonen ai; nothing too graphic, but it's there.

* * *

0 3 3：　迷路

L o s t

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As if his biological clock was already set, Sasuke always wake up in this hour of the morning. He pondered on the reason; it was nothing but a simple natural reaction, but that kind of normality was abnormal to him, as he knew he could no longer sleep; even at night.

His wondering mind was gathered by rays of sunlight that glared through the window. He cast his gaze down and rubbed his swollen eyes. But the bed sheets which he rested his gaze on were still just bed sheets; they didn't turn into anything else.

He sighed as he fixed the shirt that slid down one of his shoulders—another dull morning.

Silence accompanied the falling dust molecules, drifting down to the carpet; smothering him. Sasuke found himself yearning for the smell of bacon in the air, and the sound of oil sizzling in the hot pan that existed only in his memories, because at least it resembled a kind of—

--A kind of emotion that caused his mind to blank out right then.

He smiled wryly; he had no time to waste over an emotion he couldn't even describe. The ticking of the clock (reminding him that he was going to be late) was not going to stop its footsteps. He shook his head. He was the only one in the house, an easy enough concept to grasp. Sasuke was not a fan to reverie, or of any kind of fantasy.

Dreams were supposed to be beautiful; something you strive for. But to the last heir of the Uchiha Clan, the term did not mean so. By being lulled to the mirage, it only meant that one would crash harder into reality.

_  
Needles of bitterness being planted even deeper into their beings; aching, but unable to rid._

So years after, he learnt to cope with a more practical solution.

He chose to ignore.

* * *

After all, he didn't believe a life that already lost two of its vital essences had any possibility to spark again.

The start of the year has just arrived. The village of Konoha held a feverish count-down festival last night. The smell of smoke that lingered was wetted by the morning dews. The weather no longer clung onto the iciness of winter instead it was replaced by the temporary warmth of spring.

A mundane kind of weather; one that could drive you insane.

The sky was so grey that it appeared more as a shade of purple, as if shrouded by thin mist. Captivated (but then, maybe that was not the reason), Sasuke raised his head to stare. So long did he stare that his neck started to ache. Still, he remained in the staring contest with the sky.

He was fifteen that year.

Fifteen. Only fifteen really. But somehow, already, his days were passing like years.

At the age of seven, he encountered life's first betrayal. Back then, he didn't understand the truth about pain, nor of lost. All he knew was what he once owned and deserved were stolen from him, causing him to hate Itachi.

Yes, hate—but the connotation of the feeling remained obscured to him, so he insisted on killing him; that was all he could do.

That was all, killing Itachi.

But the second lost in his life completely crushed him. Ironically, it was he who caused it. In the same time, he realized—though perhaps he was capable of killing Itachi, but he was unable to kill himself.

As if trying to add to the beats of regret, the depressed sky started to sprinkle thin thread of rain. Sasuke wasn't in the mood to get wet, so he dodged under a roof for refuge.

Even so, the illusion of being soaked by the rain was vivid.

The rain added more lines to the complicated world; reuniting the sky and the earth; joining the past with the present.

* * *

"You can't change my mind, Naruto."

Sasuke took the blonde's turned back as a silent agreement. Through some unknown force of stubbornness, he pulled open the door before the other could react and dived into the cascade of rain.

Without leaving a goodbye.

The rain was so cold, so much so he could still remember the sting in his marrow till this day. Accompanying the memory was a certain wet warmth pooling at the corner of his eyes. He knew he regretted it that day, but it didn't change anything. A mistake was a mistake; a crack that could not be repaired.

Naruto did not chase after him. Not just that day. But he has not set foot in his life since. Like two intersecting lines being forced apart, tugging at a connection that lay neglected before. And left him alone to brew on his repentance.

Suddenly, he realized that he did not lose everything when he was seven. Unfortunately, when he finally comprehended that, nothing was truly what he had left.

Then he cried. Crystalline liquid riverined down his face with a will of their own. He knew he didn't want to cry, as a matter of fact, he could even crack open his mouth and laugh—even though by doing so would not stop the droplets. He thought he would probably shed as much tears as that day.

Laughing and crying in the same time did not make a balanced scene. Unconsciously, he bent down, hugging his head, quivering in the corner of the wall.

Until his lowered gaze bumped into a pair of feet, and what was probably the shade of a person's shadow blocked the light.

"Sasuke, are you cold? Come on, come inside already!"

"Sasuke, I know you're pissed, but can't you just stop being so stubborn? Look, didn't I come back?"

"Sasuke, come on..."

"Sasuke..."

For a moment he couldn't tell whether it was an illusion or in fact a reality. Waiting for his brain to apprehend, he could only hear the sound in his throat; continuously gulping to ease his overly frantic heart beats. He raised his head mechanically to the sound source—afraid it was all just a dream, all just a dream which he so hated having.

But he found the figure in front of him undeniably real. For a long time he stared, unmoving. As if afraid all was going to shatter.

The mop of bright blond hair was blurred by tears in front of his eyes.

* * *

  
O w a r i

A u t h o r e s s ' s d r a b b l e :

Um…second fic for my narusasu writing quest. Only 98 more to go…(waves little flag in fatigue). Well, the ending is up to you to decide really. Did Sasuke finally crack under the extreme loneliness, or did Naruto actually appear.


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